What lengths would you go???

Everyone who is a parent will say they love their kids more than anything, that is an absolute fact, but loving them more than anything does not stop or prevent life from happening to them…

When I think about all that has happened in this last week, it feels like I have been living someone else’s life.  Not because I never thought anything like what happened couldn’t happen, but for the simple fact it did happen…

When Press started school this year, she was entering junior high which for her consists of 6-8th grade, she was excited, me, well having two older ones who had already been there, I thought I was ready…  I have known all along Press is different than her older brother and sister, she is a total different spirit, much like her mom. :).  The first few weeks, she was happy and loving school, what every parent hopes and wishes for, but that would all change in what seems like a blink of an eye.  After a high school football game back in September she told me she met a lot of new friends and was beyond excited about this, I was generally happy for her too, but that is were things started changing, where she started changing.   At first it was her not doing anything with her favorite Youtuber, she used to create all kinds of posts and spent so much time with it, then it was her love and creativity of arts and crafts, as a parent you think, ok, not cool for junior high, but it was bugging me.  I asked her why she wasn’t doing these things anymore and she would just say I don’t have time.  She was either on her phone or wanting to be with her friends.  When I did meet some of these “friends” I have to be honest I didn’t care for some of them, just my gut feeling.  I actually told her one night, that she would not be able to go to their houses, that I did not feel they were traveling down the right path and that I did not want that for her, she obviously was not too happy about that, but I was sticking to my knowing, trusting what it is was saying.  Back on October 9th while she was at her dads that night, she sent me a text at 11:45, which was a school night I might add…  But it was a text that made me know she was in there still, even thought I couldn’t see her, that she was drifting farther and farther away from me.

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After that text, honestly things got worse… She was treating her brother, sister and me like crap, her words were not words she would ever say, her actions, not the ones she would have ever shown.  I don’t know how many times I would say what is going on?  Are you ok?  Is school good?  She showed absolutely no emotions, like she had been over taken by someone else.  She has been seeing a counselor for over a year and goes every week, I talked to her and told her my concerns, she said she too was seeing a change and agreed it was when these friends came into the picture.  We spent the last 3 or 4 weeks, trying many different ways and things to get to her, nothing was happening, if anything, she was just farther away.  I was beyond devastated as she has always been my other half, the one who we would talk for hours, do dumb videos, the girl who loved being with me…

Last Friday, we learned many different things, that I will talk and share about in other posts, but what I want to share today is that when I took her phone away after discovering some other things, what I found on her phone, changed me forever…  For over the last month she was telling her friends how she wanted to kill herself, how unhappy she was, how she cried every night.  I don’t think as a parent you could feel any more broken than I did at that moment.  I knew in that moment my only thing I could do was keep her safe, to have everyone in her family there.  So that night, her brother, sister and her dad came to my house and I told her how we loved her more than anything and our lives would not work if she was not there.  I cried, yelled and pretty much any emotion in between.  This last week has been one of the most challenging, emotionally draining and one that has shown me and her how very strong we are.  She does not have her phone and honestly I don’t know when she will get it back.  There is SO much more to this story, which I will write about, but I knew I needed to start somewhere.  Depression, social media, friends, school and life in general can be so different for each person.  I know Press is one of the strongest people I know, she has always been the sunshine of this family, a white sparkling light that makes you feel loved.  She radiates warmth, humor and just a special feeling when you are with her.  I am not naive in knowing she is growing up, that things she once liked doing will change, the time she wants to spend with me will change, but I also knew this wasn’t that, that it was something so much more.  Sadly I was right, but I thank God that it happened, that we found out, even if there is so much more I wish I didn’t know…  As parents you have a choice to shrug things off or to persist in knowing that something is not right.  I sit tonight, having peace knowing she is going to be ok, she will get through all of this.  She is getting back to the girl we all know and love so very much, she is getting back to Pressley.

 

I know some people think, it is a phase kids saying things, but I do not take those words lightly, no one should.  We don’t know what our kids thoughts all the time, do they know ours?  She is a human being, just like adults, only thing different is age, but a number has no bearing on one persons thinking and feelings.   To many people don’t take their kids seriously, to me that is a travesty.   Never should you minimize anyones feelings, especially a kids.  I wanted to share some pics of my girl, she is one of the most amazing people I know.  She radiates positive energy, love and a light that will not stop shining.  She is going to bring an amazing change to the world…

 

I will go to the end of the world for each of my kids, never stopping until they are ok.  What lengths will you go?  Will you turn your cheek?  Or will you listen to what they are not saying to you?

I want to add, I had Press read everything I wrote, because I would never post something without her being ok with it all.  As she read it, she had tears streaming down her face, I asked her why she was crying, she simply said, “It’s sad”.  I have to agree, it is sad that a human being, who is only 11.5 had these thoughts and feelings.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.   So much more needs to be done about many things in our children’s lives, we are the ones who need to protect them, show them, and teach them.

If you want to sign up and follow me, I would love nothing more!

XO-Rach

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